Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
