I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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