...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
