Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
