her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
