im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
