I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
