If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
