My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
