have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
