The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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