Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
