I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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