I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
