I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
