morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize