Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
there is glitter all over my balls
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
