so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
