She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
