Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
