Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
