9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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