All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
