You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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