The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
