Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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