So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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