READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
