I cockslap morals
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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