First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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