pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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