That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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