oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
