I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
