I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
