I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
