please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
