Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
