If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
