Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
