I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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