She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
