I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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