i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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