evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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