so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
