you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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