it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
