No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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