broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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