im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
