he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
