great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
