She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize