We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
