her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
