i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
