soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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