I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Randomize
