we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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