I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What a fucking waste of an outfit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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