Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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