I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
