gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
