he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
