can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
