Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My dick has a subreddit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
