Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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