I am spending my child support on dildos
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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