we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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