Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
