apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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