So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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