Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
