hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she pinky promised me she was 18
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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