Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
