it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it hurts more in the daytime
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You can't just leave with hair like that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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