Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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