he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize