The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize