He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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