FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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