no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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