Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Randomize
