My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
