you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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