IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
