i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Randomize
