Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
