I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
