You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
