Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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