I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
