Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
