You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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