Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was like having sex with a tree stump
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize