I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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