And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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