The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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