Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
