Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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