I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
