i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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