I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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