There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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