it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
True strength comes from lack of pants
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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