what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
